Introduction

For this topic on Friendship, we will be looking at:

• the comparison between the way the world views friendship and how the God views friendship
• what a God-centred friendship should look like
• what to do when friendships just aren’t working
• the closest friend we have
• and practical ways we can be a better friend to those around us

I’ll also be referencing a book I’ve recently read called “Hard is not the same thing as Bad” by Abbie Halberstadt which goes through different struggles in our lives and has a chapter specifically on friendship which I wanted to share and thought might be helpful for someone reading this. 

I personally found so many helpful tips in this book that could be implemented into my own life, and specifically brought my attention to the fact that there is always something we can work on in the friendship department! I also love how Abbie relates almost everything back to Gods Word and so I thought this would make a perfect bible study, focusing on her chapter about friendship.

A Biblical vs Worldly View of Friendship

Let’s first look at comparing the world’s view of friendship with that of God’s Word. This will open our eyes to how different these views are and give us a better understanding of how we should be as a friend.

Worldly view:

• “Gossip is no big deal. Everyone does it.”

• “My friends make me do things I normally wouldn’t, but they are my friends and I’m part of the group”

• “We deserve to vent about others without judgement.”

• “Friendships should be perfectly equal, and my friends should feel exactly the way I feel”

Biblical view:

• Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”

• 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore comfort each other and edify one another…”

• 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’”

• Proverbs 16:28, “A perverse man sows’ strife, and a whisperer separates friends.”

(Halberstadt, 2023, p.139)

What does a God-centred friendship look like?

It DOESNT:

• Seek validation
• Tear down others or bring others down to the way we feel
• Engage in complaining, venting, mockery or gossip
• Practice ungodliness
• Make the friendship about Self

IT DOES:

• Seek to GIVE encouragement and edification
• Seeks to RECIEVE encouragement and edification
• Looks to sharpen, comfort and uplift
• Keeps the friendship about the other person, and not about Self
• We are called to serve and not to be served

When Friendships Just Aren’t Working

I liked this little section from ‘Hard is not the same thing as Bad’ that I felt was quite interesting concerning friendships that don’t work:

“Romans 12:18 exhorts us to “live peacefully with all.” So that means I have to be friends with everybody, right? Wrong. If we only look at the second half of the verse, we will completely miss the crucial context of the first half: “If possible, so far as it depends on you.” …there are situations in which we will not be mutually at peace with certain people, and it’s because they are withholding their peace from us.”

Halberstadt goes on and says, “If the other party in the relationship consistently rejects our efforts for reconciliation or refuses to recognize the ways in which she is creating conflict, then continuing to invite that person into the softest places of our hearts is foolish.”

(Halberstadt, Finding Good Mom Friends Is Hard, 2023, p.146)

So How Can We Approach New Friendships?

1. Purse friendship with those whom the Lord places in our path
2. Offer our peace. If they are deserving of it…they will respond in kind.
3. If they are not deserving, retract our peace and continue on in search of softer hearts.

(Halberstadt, Finding Good Mom Friends Is Hard, 2023, p.148)

Even in those good kinds of friendships it can be important to speak up! When something is not God-honouring, make sure you let them know gracefully and hold your friends to a high standard of holiness and lift them up- as God’s Word tells us. And don’t be offended when they do the same with you! Take their advice as a sign that they are looking out for you and lifting you up.

The Closest Friend we have

So, there is a friend we haven’t talked about yet. That’s Jesus. Jesus is our closest friend; he actually gave up his life for us- his sinless life!

So how do we show our love and appreciation for this friendship we are in with our Lord Jesus? Do we blaspheme behind his back? Do we complain about him to others? Do we make this friendship about Self? Jesus doesn’t even make our friendship with him about himself. John 4:19 says “He loved us first!”

The way we show our appreciation for him should be through our love and service that we show to others. Matt 25:40 says, “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” In other words, however we treat others reflects how we would ultimately treat the Lord Jesus! Wow isn’t that a wake-up call!

Jesus is our stability, our friend and refuge, and we can find strength in Him to resist the friendships that don’t receive our peace and recognise the friendships that truly strengthen us and uplift us- and bring us closer to Him.

We can then let the love and peace of Christ in our hearts pour into friendships around us, the friendships that receive our peace. And don’t fret if there are friends in your life that are not givers of peace, as we know Jesus can satisfy our souls where they can’t. He can give us true peace. He has given us true peace. Jesus said in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.”

I hope you have found this study interesting, and i encourage you to keep going! There are plenty more verses in God’s Word that can encourage you and uplift you in your walk of friendship today!

I wanted to leave you with a list of practical ways to be a better friend that i found in Abbie’s book, so feel free to have a read, pop it in your bible or on the fridge as a reminder that we are always growing and learning in the area of friendship.

Thanks girlies! Until next time,

Aria xx

Practical Ways to be a Better Friend

1. Pray: Lift your friends up to the Lord (even before you have them)
2. Make the first move: Be willing to initiate (even after being rejected in the past)
3. Be hospitable: Open your home to others, whether you live in a mud hut or a mansion.
4. Skip comparison: With every [person] you meet, there will always be something to make you feel “less than” or “more than”, so don’t even go there. It’s not a competition.
5. Open your heart to service: Be willing to give and receive help.
6. Be honest: If you see a friend in error, or she approaches you for good advice, offer gentle correction in kindness and truth. (And be willing to accept the same from others!)
7. Be generous: Share friends and introduce them to one another; don’t be smothering or possessive.
8. Purse genuine connection: We won’t be bosom buddies [like Anne of Green Gables] with everyone , and that’s fine. Some connections are stronger than others.
9. Practice humility: Steer clear of envy and cheer your friends on when they succeed.
10. Never gossip: Nothing kills a friendship more quickly than passing around “juicy morsels” behind someone’s back.

(Halberstadt, Finding Good Mom Friends Is Hard, 2023, p.144)

Bibliography

Halberstadt, A. (2023). Finding Good Mom Friends Is Hard. In A. Halberstadt, Hard is not the same thing as bad (p. 139-147). Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers.

Nelson, T. (2016). The NKJV Journal the Word Bible. China: Thomas Nelson.