“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Psalms 127:3
Am I right in the fact that mindset changes everything? This is especially true in motherhood. Here is a complication of wisdom regarding mindset in motherhood. With reference to the Bible, I have selected a few different women who have all been through, or are going through, seasons in motherhood. These women have had to change their mindset in order to not only function but, continually grow as a mother.
Introduction
Let me introduce you to the lovely ladies I chose to draw wisdom from for this topic:
Jensie Johnson – American Guest speaker and Mother of Katie Voetburg. I found her through the Now that we’re a Family podcast. Jenise Johnson has been married to Chad for 30 years and share 11 children and 10 grandchildren between them. She is a homeschooler and coach in a Marriage Maximizer program and newlywed restreat. Jenise pours herself over her children daily and creates a culture of honesty and fun!
Mel Mansfield – Australian Former Educator and Homeschooling Mother of 4. She has children ranging from 6 all the way to 21 years of age. My homeschooling friend Mel, lives on a suburban homestead property in South Australia. They raise their own livestock and live off the land as much as possible. Mel has a love for routine and structure, and creates this within her family culture.
Delilah Leoppky – Canadian Homeschooling and Homemaking Mother of 4, who are 7 years and under. I came across Delilah on her Youtube Channel, Leoppky Life, where she encourages mothers in their everyday tasks. She practices; cooking, baking, decorating, renovating, homeschooling and homemaking. She also runs a Patreon and Blog.
My anonymous friend – Australian Sunday school teacher, syllabus and special events coordinator, and friend of mine is a trunk of wisdom just waiting to be unlocked! She has been married for 28 years to a more-than-full-time husband with 3 young adult children. My friend has made it her mission to create a culture of support for her husband and children while keeping the home running smoothly.
How do you keep up with the demands of Motherhood?
My Experience:
My immediate response was energy. If you have enough energy, then you are most likely able to keep up with housework, your kids and everything else in your life. When we keep up with sleep, supplements, and your overall wellbeing, we give ourselves a kick-start in our day.
While this can be true, i’ve definitely given from an empty cup before! How? Well, didn’t Jesus give from his empty cup? He said, as he was literally dying, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do,” taken from Luke 23:24. Not to mention the fact that he literally forgave all our sins when he died!
So as I thought about this question further, of how I keep up with the demands of motherhood, the short answer was, I don’t! No matter how hard I try, I know I am not perfect and will always fall short of the Glory of God in life. It says in Romans 3:23. But, should I give up because of that? No. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:32 to,”be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” I am forgiven through Christ! And I can forgive my children again and again, as God’s Word instructs us to.
So, how do I keep up with the demands of motherhood? I don’t. I never will be able to, but if i had to give an answer it is by imitating Christ, my saviour.
Jenise
“At an early age in our marriage, i made up my mind [that] laundry [or fill in the blank] is not going to be an issue. Its all about mindset. I’m gonna be a mum that’s up on my laundry. I saw a lot of mums just like, ‘oh I don’t want to do my laundry and now i need to fold the laundry,’ and i go over to their houses and laundry is everywhere. I just said [to myself] i’m not gonna be that.
“You can look at anything as mundane, ‘oh I have to do this’ or [it can be changed by] your mindset. You could be praying while you do your laundry… ‘I’m so thankful that i have these kids’. When you’re making a meal… ‘oh I have to cook tonight’ or… if you find yourself being like that, just say no, I’m going to change [my] mindset. [Instead you could say,] ‘hey I want to provide a delicious meal for my kids, I want to put my heart into it.’
“Time management [also] is a big deal. The more you manage your time and keep up on that, the more you’ll enjoy your time in your life. So I take my shower the night before so I’m fresh for my husband. I also train my children to stay in bed until 7.30am. I usually get up at 6am, so it gives me an hour and a half [without the kids]. [Once my kids are awake], I give the best to my kids. Someone said to me [once], ‘How do I deal with my whiny kids?’ [and I said,] ‘if you put into your kids at the very beginning [of the day], snuggling with them and being excited about them [can really help with the whininess in the afternoon].'”
(Voetburg, PART TWO: MOTHER OF 11 Q&A // JENISE JOHNNSON, 2019)
Mel:
“It is really important to look after myself so I can look after my children. I keep a routine, I get up at 6am, take time to enjoy a coffee, pray, shower, dress and organise my day while kids sleep. I drink lots of water, limit my screen time and go to bed at 10pm [and] take 20 minutes to read a book before turning off the light… Sleep is really important.”
Delilah:
“I try very hard to keep up with the dishes throughout the day. So after every meal or at least after most meals, I like to make sure I’m washing the dishes. [This is] because it piles up really fast and if I am not on top of it, it gets very overwhelming very quickly. We [also] keep lunch so simple around here. If it’s not leftovers it’s whatever is in the fridge, [from] hard-boiled eggs to yogurt and granola. Between lunch and [my youngest’s] nap-time is when I try and just spend some time with my kids and get some things done around the home. I’m doing a little bit of a tidy, catching up on laundry, making beds, and just cleaning up.”
(Life, 2024)
My anonymous friend:
“Staying ahead of the game works best for me – even if it’s just one day ahead! Being organised removes a lot of stress. When my kids were small, a structured approach [like] shopping on Mondays, washing in the morning, helped me to know when I had time to do other things. Otherwise, the ever-present housework and responsibilities can be overwhelming. Knowing there were guilt-free ‘free’ times was great for me.
“You can [also] take this too far – I had a friend who did her ironing on Tuesday mornings and she was so rigid that she often missed out on fun mornings at the park when a group of us spontaneously met up! Having said that, knowing who you are and sticking to your priorities takes real strength. I always admired her for that.
“Don’t forget there are Dad’s in the mix too and you are a partnership. Motherhood does not mean you are the only parent!”
While the home matters within the spectrum of the demands of motherhood, children are the main demand and what makes us mothers in the first place! “Taking the time to discipline your children and be consistent with them makes for a happy child, a harmonious house and a mother with much more time on her hands. I know it’s the holy grail of parenting and everyone has a different perspective on what a well-behaved child is like but, motherhood is a lot less demanding if you can nail this one.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
“Also, give your child some space – let them learn to play on their own. Not only will this free you up to do something else, [but] it is very good for their creativity and sense of individuality (it can be surprising what they end up enjoying sometimes!) Creativity and individuality struggle to flourish in a busy or rigid environment.”
How do you keep your mind filled with things that fuel your willingness to grow in Motherhood?
My Experience:
Firstly, I always have something I’m working on spiritually, whether that’s; an attribute of God’s character, writing out scripture, highlighting scripture, memorising scripture, praying my deepest thoughts and desires, listening to a podcast about how to be a better disciple through motherhood, praising God through music, pondering God’s love, mercy and faithfulness, discussing God’s Word with a friend, preparing a Sunday school lesson, or teaching my son scripture. I’ve discovered that the days I dislike the most are the ones when I don’t give my heavenly father at least a small nod. On these days, I feel anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, arrogant, unbalanced, and more likely to give into my sinful nature. On the days when I do engage in these spiritual disciplines, I feel more connected to God and am able to let him lead me to where I need to go.
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on you, because they trust in you”
Isaiah 26:3
Secondly, I really think about how I want to bring up my children. What traditions and family culture do I want to set, and how I want to move forward as they get older. I really think about how they will respond back to their childhood as an adult. What do I want them to say? What do I want them to remember? This can be very eye-opening when I sit back and do this. Nine times out of ten, I need to change the ways I am currently doing things, or at least tweak them!
How are they viewing me right now in their 5-year-old, 8-year-old, or 12-year-old eyes? Do I raise my voice too much or don’t speak out enough? Should I have this be apart of our family culture? Do I want our family to sit around the table for dinner? How much screen time do I want my children to have? Do they need it? Thinking about these questions and my significance I have in my child’s life helps my willingness to grow in motherhood.
Bonus Tip:
Don’t compare your situation to someone elses! The way your family does things will not suit everyone in the outside world, and thats ok, because we are called to different from the world, as it says in John 17:16. What i’m trying to say is, just because something is the latest craze doesn’t mean you have to have it be apart of your family culture. Your family is unique! God put these people into your lives for a reason: to steward them towards Him. If something doesn’t feel right or is hindering that, then i’m here to encourage you to remove it from your family culture.
Proverbs 31:27-28 says, “She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed…”
Jenise:
“More is caught than taught… My relationship [with the Lord] is a living relationship. I’m always talking about [Him]. If Chad is there, he’ll lead the Bible devotional and be in the word; if not, I’m sharing. I’m asking [my children], ‘What is the Lord speaking to you about?'”
(Voetburg, PART TWO: MOTHER OF 11 Q&A // JENISE JOHNNSON, 2019)
Jenise continues her discussion of Deuteronomy 6:5–9. She outlines the principles that should guide us and fuel our growth as mothers.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Mel:
“I read blogs, books and watch YouTubers that have a philosophy I connect with. Gentle, calm and strong content. The Bible is very important to me also.”
Delilah:
“[In the baby blues] I started getting into the Word more. I started leaning more on Christ, doing my devotions more regularly and having that discipline. [Also] you need to connect face-to-face with other mamas who are going through the same things. [And] being open and honest about things, even just talking to my mum, my mother-in-law, [is] just so helpful to just talk to other people.”
(Leoppky, YOUNG CHRISTIAN MOM ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT MOTHERHOOD | MOM TALK, 2019)
My anonymous friend:
“Honestly, I’m not sure how to answer this question! I’m more of an organic person who learns as life meanders along. I guess having an open mind might be the key here, [as] it can be challenging if your child [, especially once they are young adults,] starts to make choices that are outside of your frame of reference.”
How can you give to your husband when you have needy children?
My Experience:
Finding time during the early years was really difficult due to our needy toddler and our weekly obligations, which included work, family dinners, bible class, girls’ and boys’ classes, and much more added in there. During those difficult times, we learnt to prioritise our marriage and keep things simple. To just spend more time together, we began turning down a few activities and outings. We reasoned that it was either that or wait around for some free time, which, given the hectic season we were in, was not going to happen.
Sometimes we would even put our child to bed early, which worked wonderfully especially after they’d had a busy day and were extra tired. After that, we would have dinner together, which was much more enjoyable. We could now talk to each other without interruption or watch a movie while cuddling. On top of that, we occasionally went to a cafe with a playground to chat while our child played and of course, we always appreciate occasional date nights too.
I should also mention that we have been together for almost nine years, six of which we have been married, and during this time, we have definitely experienced times when it has been difficult to spend quality time together. It was ultimately kindness, love and a willingness to trust in our Heavenly Father that helped us through. Romans 15:5 comes to mind, saying, “May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.”
“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Jenise:
Remembering the baby doesn’t kick the husband out of the house – “When [my husband] came home [from work], I really made an effort to make him the priority… letting the kids know their place, like, ‘You need to wait til daddy and I [talk] to each other’ or ‘I’ll get to you but he’s the priority.’ … I needed to make sure Chad was feeling loved and sometimes that meant letting the child cry for a little bit.”
(Voetburg, 2019)
Mel:
“I think its good to treat [your] husband how [you] wish to be treated. If I had been working all day, what would I want from him when I [got] home? A conversation and hug, even with a clinging child on my hip is not that hard.”
Delilah:
“In busy seasons of life [it’s] going to mean sacrificing, it’s going to mean me not doing some things that I want to do, just to spend some time with [my husband]. It means going out of my way to be by his side.”
(Leoppky, 9 Things I’ve Learned in 9 Years of Marriage (married at 19) , 2024)
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends”
John 15:13
My anonymous friend:
“Actually, I’ve gotten some great advice on an airplane when my kids were young. I was sitting next to a lovely older man and we got chatting. He said all throughout their married life he and his wife had made sure that they went away for one week just by themselves – this put enough ‘them’ time in the bank to last the year. I never did manage to do it when my kids were young, but did when they were a bit older and could really see the value in such a lovely chunk of uninterrupted time with the man I love.
“Also, try not to be grumpy and exasperated the moment he walks in the door – that is a choice you don’t have to make and it sets the tone for the rest of the evening.”
How does your environment impact your mindset?
“The earth is the Lord′s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it”
Psalm 24:1
My Experience:
When I have too many household chores to be done, it piles up in the back of my mind. I start getting idle and am not able to take on other activities or have space in my mind for my family. I feel stuck! It is so much better when everything is clean and tidy or, at the very least, able to be tidied within 10 minutes. When it’s achievable, my mind is a lot more free to think of other tasks or free to relax and read a book or write up a blog. My environment definitely changes my mindset!
Sometimes I have been through seasons where it isn’t possible to tidy the house in under 10 minutes, and in those seasons I find it helpful to take myself out of that environment at least for a few hours, whether that’s going to the park, going to a friend’s house, or going for a walk. I find I have way more energy to tackle the mess after I’ve removed myself from that environment for a few hours; being away helps me reset my mind. We were made to take care of this earth, including our own homes and the environment in which we live!
“The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it”
Genesis 2:15
Jenise:
“Your surroundings are super important and if you’re living in a messy house, it’s gonna take you’re energy. Your kids are already requiring a lot of energy from you, so it’s super important that your house is a clean space… Less is more… I have one bin [for the kids toys], things like lego I have in a ziplock bag and I take them out when i want them to be out… We also don’t leave the house til it’s clean cause we always want to come home to a clean house.”
Mel:
“My environment impacts hugely on my mindset. I need order, a tidy home, organised lifestyle, [this can look like] meal plan[s], schedule[s], routine[s] and time to get outside. I am so much happier and calmer when I have this.”
Delilah:
“Its an area that I really have to upkeep and be diligent about, so before I make supper [for example] I always try and make sure that the kitchen is clean because it’s a lot more relaxing and inviting to make supper when I have a clean kitchen.”
(Life, 2024)
My anonymous friend:
“Everyone is affected by their environment in different ways I guess, and personality types and their preferences are so varied. Personally I love a bit of a fast-paced action, but also increasingly appreciate quiet time to myself. You can find ways to serve and connect with God regardless of the environment [though], its more of a matter of being open to Him wherever you are.“
“If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there”
Psalms 139:8
What’s the most important mindset to have in Motherhood?
My Experience:
We can sometimes be in this mindset of playing the victim and blaming our kids for the way we act, think, or speak. Sure, times can be difficult, but the only reason it’s difficult is because we have either become overloaded with life’s activities, comparing ourselves to others, spending too much time in front of a screen, which can negatively impact our attitudes as mothers, or, and most of the time it is our mindset. I always remind myself that what I put in my brain will likely come out one way or another.
So we must shift our attention from our shortcomings to our strengths and those of our children. Don’t get me wrong, I can definitely feel weak and unable to change my mindset some days, no matter how hard I try! But when Joel 3:10 says, “Let the weak say, ‘I am strong.’” and Philippians 4:13 encourages us, saying “[We] can do all things through Christ who strengthens [us].” After thinking on these verses I feel renewed and refreshed knowing that its never too late to make a difference and I can get back on stable ground. The foundation that cannot be shaken.
“He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”
Psalms 62:6
Jenise:
“In my weak [times], the first thing I do is go into my room and shut the door, and after I’ve shed a tear or two, I pray. I just renew my mind. [Romans 12:2 says], “Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. Everything has to do with whats happening between our ears! Our whole mindsets and what we think about over and over! And if I tell myself ‘I’m just a terrible mum, someone else will be better for my kids’… the Lord is sitting there [saying in 2 Corinthians 12:9], “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” So we should be thankful, ‘Lord i’m so glad that I am feeling so weak because you got to show yourself powerful,’ and so i just start speaking truth to myself.”
Mel:
“The most important mindset for me in motherhood is mercy. God has mercy and forgiveness for me and I need to show this to my husband, my children but most importantly, to myself.”
“The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.”
Daniel 9:9
Delilah:
“My circumstances are what they are and they’re not going to change. I can pray and pray and pray for things to get better or my days to be easier, but unless that is the Lord’s will, that is not going to happen. This leaves me with two choices:
“a // I can choose to focus on the bad and allow the negativity of any given situation to fill me with despair and anger. I can be bitter and complain, nag, and groan. Or,
“b // I can choose to focus on the good and be grateful for all that I do have. I can face the bad with an attitude of joy and peace, knowing that ultimately the Lord is in control…
“Stop filling your mind with all that is bad in your life… Instead, think about whatever is pure, whatever is lovely. Think about things that fill you with happiness and excitement. Obsess over things that make you want to laugh and dance and jump for joy. Be grateful for what the Lord has given you.”
(Leoppky, 2020)
My anonymous friend:
“To love your children (and they know that you do), and to love God. To love someone, you have to know them; this takes time, patience and determination. Relationships, like [the ones with our] children, are always changing and growing – and that’s a good thing!”
“By this we know that we love the children of God: when we love God and keep his commandments.”
1 John 5:2
Renew Your Mindset Every Morning
“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23
Lets Recap:
How do you keep up with the demands of Motherhood?
In order to keep up with motherhood demands, we’ve learnt to; imitate Christ, keep up with our wellbeing, manage our time more efficiently, keep on top of household tasks by simplifying, ask for help from a loved one, take the time to discipline our children and give them space to play on their own.
How do you keep your mind filled with things that fuel your willingness to grow in Motherhood?
We’ve discovered that developing our relationship with the Lord and keeping our minds on Him, finding tools to become closer to Him, considering our role as mothers in our children’s lives, discovering philosophies that encourage us to pursue the truth, talking face-to-face with other mamas and having an open mind, will help increase our desire to grow as mothers.
How can you give to your husband when you have needy children?
We’ve learnt to; prioritise our marriages- keeping things simple, live in harmony with one another, let the kids know their place, treat our husbands the way we want to be treated, sacrificing time and wants to be by his side, be diligent in planning uninterrupted time and setting the tone for our husband when he is home.
How does your environment impact your mindset?
It can be the difference between being able to relax, have more time to think on other things, or feeling stuck and being idle. It impacts our energy levels and can effect how we feel and a clean space can help motivate us to do a certain task. Lastly, it doesn’t have to impact your mindset! For example, you can connect with God no matter environment you’re in, and thats the most important thing we can do for our ourselves and our minds!
What’s the most important mindset to have in Motherhood? A positive and flexible mindset. A renewable and truth-receiving mindset. A merciful and forgiving mindset. A grateful and focused mindset. Lastly, a loving and diligent mindset.
Remember though, our mindset can also become an adversary to us if we aren’t careful. Romans 8:6 warns us, “The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” We need to take action over our minds, let God be the centre of our thinking!
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 12:2
So I pray you have all taken at least a small piece of advice and encouragement from these lovely ladies above, and if you’re in a pinch you can always focus your mind on “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, [and] whatever is admirable…” Philippians 4:8.
Motherhood is such a lovely blessing from the Lord, and if people tell you its such a short time, they are wrong! Once you’re a mother you are always a mother, that title cannot be taken from you. It is a privilege from the Lord! And so, to help change our mindsets in motherhood, we need to look to Him! He is the one who made us mothers in the first place and gives us strength in the day-to-day, the week-to-week, and the year-to-year!
Praise be to the Almighty God, Forever and ever! Amen.
Until next time,
Aria xx
“Take every thought captive to obey Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10:5
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